Family Plot
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Summary
My mom is a doormat. My dad is a saint. By some law of cosmic balance, they produced me, a walking catastrophe.
At three, I spiked the church chili with Ex-Lax and then lit an M-80 in the men's room. At five, I stole Mrs. Henderson's racy lingerie and tucked it into Pastor Dave's Bible. At seven, I forged a love letter from my dad to the town widow. At ten, I took a baseball bat to the old man who offered me candy to get in his van, then hog-tied him to a tree.
To protect what was left of my "reputation," my parents fled our hometown and never looked back.
