Hair Knotted Around My Heart

Summary

I have pica. I have had a compulsion to eat hair for as long as I can remember.

Whenever I feel strands of hair tugging inside my stomach, I feel strangely calm.

I look at my thin wrists and the sharp outline of my ribs, and I feel proud.

Sometimes Mom cries and asks why I became like this.

Seeing her hurt because of me fills me with satisfaction.

Dad runs himself ragged trying to get me appointments with specialists, his hair turning completely gray from the strain.

And somehow, that makes me feel happy too.

My therapist asks whether there is some knot inside me I can't untie.