Married To The Human Calculator

Summary

My mother was convinced I’d never get married, primarily because I spent money with the reckless abandon of a trust fund kid—even though I was anything but.

She blamed an $18 DoorDash delivery and a four-dollar latte.

“That $18 takeout?” she’d lecture. “You could have cooked a full meal for ten dollars and had leftovers.”

“A four-dollar coffee? You could just splash some cold water on your face straight from the faucet. If that doesn’t work, give yourself a good, hard slap to wake up.”