The Roommate from Hell: Weaponized Incompetence

Summary

My roommate, Ashley, was a literalist. She had to get to the bottom of everything, no matter how inappropriate the timing.

One night, while I was deep in sleep, she stood by my bed and whispered my name, asking, "Are you asleep?" I woke up groggy and annoyed, glaring at her. She just smiled and said, "See? You weren't sleeping. Otherwise, how could you answer me?"

Once, I noticed she wasn't in class, so I kindly signed her in on the app. But right before the class ended, she burst in, holding her phone up to the professor. "Professor, I wasn't even here! Why does the app say I signed in?