Chapter 1

After being rushed to the hospital and brought back from another relapse, I vaguely heard my family arguing.

"This is already the second time this month. When will it end?! Why isn't he dead yet?!"

"Mom, don't say that! I've decided, I'll start working right after graduation to earn money!"

My dad scolded my older brother, "But you have such good grades. You've already secured a spot for postgraduate studies. You should keep studying, let us take care of the money!"

I lay on the bed, crying silently. After three years of being tormented by illness, I couldn't keep going anymore.

This time, I chose to let go.

Chapter 1

Three years ago, I was diagnosed with Guillain-Barré syndrome. When it flared up, my whole body would suffer unbearable pain.

For three years, my parents sought every possible treatment.

They sold our house to pay for my treatments. Our family had to squeeze into a tiny rented flat after that.

Hearing their arguments hurt me inside. I wasn't hurt by my mom's complaints, but by my own uselessness.

I was being a burden to all of them.

While I was thinking that, the door opened, and my mom walked in, her eyes teary. She looked at me and asked, "Are you feeling better?"

"It doesn't hurt anymore. Let's discharge."

My words made her sigh lightly, "Whatever you say."

I knew she was upset. Every time I had an attack, my whole family had to come to the hospital with me.

When the pain struck, it was agonizing. My whole body would tremble. Because the pain made me irritable, I often took it out on my family.

Over time, anyone would lose their patience.

I followed my parents and my older brother, Alan, home.

I was dozing off in my cramped room when I heard my dad's voice outside the door. "You must continue studying. Without a master's degree in medicine, it'll be hard to find a job. Don't worry about money."

"Dad!"

"I don't want to hear it. Your brother's illness won't get any better. You can't ruin your life for his sake. It's not fair."

I could hear Mom's sobbing so clearly that I couldn't fall asleep.

After Dad left for work and my brother went to his part-time job, I got up with difficulty and wrote them a suicide note.

My hand trembled with pain, so my writing was messy, but I persevered.

"Alan, please don't give up on your dreams for my sake. A good-for-nothing like me is not worth that kind of sacrifice.

"Mom, I'm sorry, I should have listened to you and not watched the snow. Maybe my illness wouldn't have triggered then.

"Dad, after I'm gone, you don't have to work three jobs anymore. You'll wear yourself out if you keep doing that.

"This family will have a little more hope without me."

By the time I was done writing, I was drenched in sweat.

Just then, my mom came in. "Jack, I'm going out to buy groceries. Will you be fine staying home alone?"

"Yes, of course. I'll take a nap. Don't wake me when you get back."

Mom glanced at me, then turned and left.

After she was gone, I got dressed and walked out. I had to lean against the wall for support, shuffling along slowly. My hands and feet had long stopped obeying me.

My initial plan was to jump off the building, but that would be really painful. The aftermath would also be messy and unsightly, and it might scare the neighbors.

Walking down the stairs used up all my strength. Just then, a neighbor walked over.

When he saw me, he gave me a smile and said, "You're out, Jack!"

"Yeah, I want to take a walk."

"Good. Getting some sun will be good for you."

I tried hard to force a smile, then walked away unsteadily, leaning against the wall.

His sigh reached my ears. "Poor kid. His family is suffering!"

See? Even the neighbors thought my family was in misery because of me.

I walked to the park nearby. I was completely exhausted when I arrived.

I took one last look at the rented flat behind me, forced a smile, and leaped into the pond!

Dying in the rented flat would upset the landlord, and he might kick my family out.

Dying in the pond would inconvenience the public, which I felt sorry about, but at least no one would give my parents trouble.

The icy cold pond water submerged my head. The feeling of suffocation enveloped me.

I had no idea how much time passed after that, but I felt myself floating out of the water.

When I saw my body at the bottom of the pond, I realized that I was dead.

I floated above the pond and looked around. There was no one around at the moment, so no one saw what I did.

I was starting to regret it. Why didn't I leave some traces behind? I had no idea when my body would be discovered at this rate.

Chapter 2

My parents would surely be worried if they couldn't find me. Luckily, there were surveillance cameras around, so finding me shouldn't be too difficult.

Thinking of this, I turned around. I involuntarily drifted back home.

My mom returned from buying groceries. As soon as she entered the door, she shouted, "Jack, I bought some beef. I'll make you grilled meat tonight. The doctor said you need to eat more nutritious food!"

Unfortunately, I was already dead, so I couldn't eat it.

When Mom didn't get a reply from me, she thought I was still asleep. She went to the kitchen and started cooking.

By the time she was done cooking, it was already getting dark.

My brother came home. Seeing my room door closed, he asked, "Has Jack not gotten up yet? Did he hear us talking earlier? Is he angry?"

My mom was irritated. "What right does he have to be angry? The whole family revolves around him. Besides, this time, it's his own fault!"

"Mom, don't blame Jack. He's suffering. He's having a hard time too."

My mom sighed. "I'm just saying. Tell him to come out for dinner!"

My brother knocked on my door. "Jack, time for dinner!"

There was no response.

I couldn't help but shake my head. I'm dead, brother. I can't eat this meal. You don't have to worry about me anymore.

Seeing that I wouldn't come out, my mom couldn't help but get angry. "He said he wanted to take a nap and told me not to wake him, but he's slept for so long. He's obviously throwing a tantrum. I'll give him a talking to!"

She rolled up her sleeves and tried to rush into my room, but my brother quickly held her back. "Mom, stop. He must be in a bad mood right now. Let him be, he'll come out when he's hungry. Let's eat, I have to bring Dad food later."

Mom said nothing after hearing that. She quickly put food on the table.

After they both ate, Mom cleared the dishes. She then sat on the couch, stringing beads and sewing buttons for a part-time job she found from a clothing factory.

Each piece only paid three cents, and she often worked until her eyes blurred.

Sometimes, I would help, but my deformed joints made it impossible for me to grasp those tiny beads. I would always make a mess.

Mom would always say that it was okay and tell me to lie down instead, but I felt guilty seeing the dark circles under her eyes.

But it's fine now, Mom. I'm dead. You don't have to stay up late sewing anymore.

My brother was about to bring Dad food when he received a call from Dad.

"What?! Okay, I'll be right there."

He hung up the phone and told Mom, "Dad accidentally scratched someone's car, and the other party wants compensation. They're at the intersection ahead."

Mom put down the beads and rushed over to the scene of the accident with my brother.

I followed too.

At the intersection nearby, we saw my dad surrounded by a crowd, with police officers nearby.

The car owner was yelling, "A few hundred dollars?! This is an imported car! Do you take me for a beggar?!"

Mom charged forward. When she saw the car, tears immediately streamed down her face. "We don't have that much money. Can you claim insurance? We'll pay the rest in installments."

My brother quickly took out all our money, loose change and notes, totaling $863.

"My brother just got discharged from the hospital, and this is all the money we have left. Take this for now. We can only pay the rest after we get our salaries."

At this point, someone nearby said, "Do you really have to take money from them? Their son has a serious illness and just got out of the hospital today."

"This family is really poor. Can't you just claim insurance?"

"Oh, it's them. I know them. They have it tough. The youngest son has a terminal illness!"

Chapter 3

Seeing how pale and haggard my dad, mom, and brother looked, the car owner took a deep breath in frustration.

The police also chimed in, "Go and see if there's any major damage. If not, just claim insurance and fix it yourself. Besides, you're at fault too. You can't make them pay thousands of dollars."

The car owner was exasperated and muttered under his breath, "Curse my luck!"

He snatched the few hundred dollars from Alan, got into his car, and drove away.

Dad stared in his direction longingly, his eyes teary. Mom put on a strong face and said, "Stop staring. Money spent to avoid disaster is money well spent. Let's go home!"

"You two go ahead. I still have deliveries to make!"

"What deliveries? Your arm is injured, go home!"

Mom insisted and dragged Dad home. She applied medicine to his arm and mended his clothes.

She warmed up the grilled meat and made Dad eat it all.

"Has Jack had dinner yet?" Dad asked, wiping his mouth.

Mom muttered while tidying up, "He's still sleeping."

"Wake him. By the way, Alan, I talked to your high school teacher today. He also thinks you should continue studying. This year, the top-tier hospital in our town is recruiting, and even the logistics department staff requires a master's degree. It would be a pity for you not to pursue postgraduate studies, considering your grades."

"Dad, I've made up my mind. I can pursue postgraduate studies anytime, but we need money for Jack's treatment now."

My brother lowered his head. "I asked my supervisor about it. Jack's illness is chronic and will relapse, and it's not something he can control. Plus, there will be aftereffects. He'll probably be in this condition his entire life. I don't want him to live like this. I want to make more money so that he can have a better life."

Dad slammed his fork down!

"That's his life, not yours! Even if he dies right now, it's his life that has ended. Your life has just begun!"

Mom cried. "Your grades are so good. Don't let him become your burden, you silly child!"

I also tried my best to dissuade my brother, "Alan, you should spread your wings and fly high. Don't go down the wrong path for my sake! Keep studying! I'm already dead!"

Alan fell silent.

Mom kept hitting him in anger. Finally, she couldn't hold back anymore and cursed, "That troublemaker! He's nothing but a burden to us! He should just..."

"Mom!" My brother yelled sharply, "He'll hear you!"

"Let him hear me! It's been three years! We've gone all over the country with him, seeking famous doctors and trying every method possible. We don't owe him anything!"

Hearing Mom say that, I felt a swell of emotions.

Indeed, looking back at the last three years, my parents had sacrificed a lot for me.

Whenever an episode struck, my whole body would be in unbearable pain. Even swallowing was difficult. I often hugged the trash can, vomiting until my face was pale.

My parents would anxiously wait by my bed. They took me everywhere to seek medical treatment, get blood transfusions, and get various injections.

They tried almost every treatment method possible, but my condition still didn't improve.

Anyone in their shoes would find it hard to accept.

Whenever I had an attack, they would have to drop everything they were doing. After a while, no company would hire them anymore.

In those three years, their lives went from heaven to hell. If it were me, I would probably grow frustrated too.

I could understand them, so I didn't blame them.

A heavy silence fell in the house.

Just then, there was an urgent knocking at the door.

Mom opened it and found it was the downstairs neighbor.

"Mary, this is terrible! Jack killed himself jumping into the pond!"

Hearing this, Mom froze. "That's impossible! He's sleeping in his room!"

"Go and see for yourself. Someone saw Jack walking to the park this afternoon. And earlier, a person was fishing at the pond in the park and pulled out a corpse. It was your son, Jack!"

Mom immediately turned around and rushed into my room. After she pushed the door open, she saw no trace of me. She instantly broke down.

"Jack! Jack!"

The whole family rushed to the pond.

The area was already crowded with onlookers. Seeing my family, the crowd parted to make a path.

When Mom saw my wet corpse on the ground, she screamed and pounced on me.

"Jack!"

Chapter 4

A corner of the white sheet was lifted, revealing my pale, wet face, bloodless and with eyes tightly shut.

My soul floated in mid-air, looking at my body on the ground.

So, drowned people actually look this ugly.

The onlookers whispered.

"Poor kid, what a tragedy! He's been sick for so long, why couldn't he just hang on a bit longer?"

"The kid obviously had had enough. He walked with his body trembling all over. When I saw him, he had to lean against the wall to walk. He must have been in so much pain!"

"Poor thing! Maybe he'll finally find peace."

A forensic doctor and police officers had arrived at the pond.

Mom wailed over my corpse.

Dad's legs gave way, and he collapsed to the ground, lips trembling. He crawled over to my corpse on all fours and grabbed my hand. He opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something, but no sound came out.

My brother clenched his fists tightly, tears and snot streaming down his face. Mom's shrill cries echoed across the pond.

The people around were mostly neighbors who lived nearby. Most of them knew about my illness, and they quickly came forward to comfort my family.

Mom cried, "My son! My son was just discharged from the hospital earlier today! I even said I'd make grilled meat for him! Jack, you died hungry! How could this happen?! My son!"

Dad sobbed uncontrollably. He slapped himself hard twice.

"It's my fault! I'm a useless father! My son couldn't live because of me! I deserve to die too!"

The neighbors tried to console them. Even the cops couldn't bear to watch. After concluding that it was an accidental drowning, they handed the report to my mother and urged her to arrange my funeral as soon as possible.

Video surveillance showed that I jumped in on my own, with no one else involved.

Mom still couldn't come to terms with it. "We killed him!"

I told her, "Mom, I don't blame you. It has nothing to do with you. I just couldn't live like that anymore! You did your best, so I don't blame you at all! Dad, Mom, now that I'm dead, you don't have to worry about me anymore."

Unfortunately, no one could hear me.

Seeing how sad my family was, our neighbors sighed with emotion. They helped my family carry my corpse back.

Everyone was saying that I couldn't bear the pain anymore, and death was probably a release.

After that, they helped send my body to the funeral home.

Mom was still heartbroken, clinging desperately to my body and refusing to let go.

Eventually, the neighbors pulled her away.

"Mary, don't be like this. If Jack could see you, he would feel bad!"

"Jack left us because he couldn't bear the pain anymore. If he sees you like this from heaven, he won't rest in peace!"

"Jack was blessed to be born into your family. You've done all you could in the past three years. He wouldn't blame you."

They held Mom back.

Dad stumbled along after them, while my brother tightly clenched his fists the whole way.

Seeing this, I shook my head behind them. I hope they could understand that I didn't commit suicide to punish them.

I didn't blame them. I simply couldn't bear the pain anymore, and I didn't want to be a burden to them anymore.

When they returned to the rented flat, my parents stared at my room with vacant eyes. My brother silently walked in.

When he saw the suicide note on the bedside table, he immediately became emotional. "Look, Jack left this behind!"

My parents quickly rushed over. The three of them huddled together to read the suicide note.

After that, all three of them broke down.

The note read:

"Dad, Mom, and Alan,

"By the time you find this suicide note, I'm probably dead. I've never blamed you guys. On the contrary, I feel guilty for being such a burden.