Chapter 1

I once believed that saving my vampire fiancé from the hunters was the best thing I had ever done.

At that banquet, I drew the hunters away from him. A bullet struck my shoulder.

But when I woke in the hospital, everyone said my cousin Sophia Ashford was the one who had saved him.

Cassian Vale wanted to repay her by breaking off our engagement and marrying her instead.

I tried to explain, again and again, but no one believed me.

They all assumed I was lying to keep my place as his vampire bride.

The dispute went before the Elder Council, but Cassian's plan was rejected because Sophia lacked a pure human noble bloodline.

In the end, I married Cassian after all.

Not because he believed me, but because of my bloodline. Because I could bear him a powerful half-blood child.

Soon after, Sophia was married off to the North, where she fell ill and died.

From that day on, Cassian was convinced that my jealousy had killed her.

After our wedding, hunters attacked again. In the chaos, I threw myself in front of a bullet meant for him and lost my baby when I was eight months pregnant.

Still, he regarded me with nothing but coldness.

In the months before I died, wasting away from illness, he never came to see me. Not once.

I opened my eyes again.

I was back on the day Sophia claimed the credit for saving his life.

This time, I did not explain. I simply took off the ring.

"Cassian, I agree to end the engagement."

第1章

Elena's POV

By the time I died, I had been bedridden for three months.

The wound in my abdomen had long since scabbed over, but the dull ache never truly went away.

The doctor said the silver bullet had done too much damage.

I had been eight months pregnant, and surgery after so much blood loss had nearly destroyed my body.

I would likely never be able to have children again.

I listened in a daze. No one sat at my bedside. The husband whose life I had saved by taking that bullet was nowhere to be seen.

At first, I told myself I was simply recovering slowly.

Then the fevers started coming back.

I couldn't keep food down.

Later, I couldn't even sit up without the maid's help.

The doctor came several times a day.

They changed my medicine again and again.

But everyone grew quieter around me.

I knew.

I probably didn't have much time left.

In those three months, I only ever asked one question.

"Is Cassian coming today?"

The maid always looked down.

"He's been very busy lately."

The first week, I believed it.

The second week, I still held on to hope.

After a month, I stopped asking.

It wasn't surprising that Cassian never came to see me.

Ever since Sophia died in the North, his hatred for me had only grown.

He was convinced I had driven her away.

He was also convinced that everything I had done for him over the years had an ulterior motive.

Whenever I waited for him to come home, he assumed I was trying to win him over.

Whenever I helped him clean up after a banquet, he assumed I was trying to prove I deserved my place as his wife.

Even when hunters attacked three months ago and I took a bullet for him, losing our baby, he thought I had done it only to make him feel indebted to me.

That day, I had been eight months pregnant.

The baby was lively inside me.

At night, he liked to kick.

When Cassian occasionally came back from his study and stood by the bed to talk, the baby would go still.

That small thing had made me secretly happy for a long time.

I had even dared to hope.

Maybe after the baby was born, things between us would slowly get better.

Even if Cassian still didn't love me.

At least the child would make us a family that couldn't be torn apart.

Then the hunters broke into the estate.

Everything happened too fast.

All I saw was a flash of silver.

The bullet was heading straight for Cassian's chest.

My body moved before I could think.

I shoved him aside.

The next second, a searing pain tore through my abdomen.

I crashed to the ground.

Blood soaked through my skirt in seconds.

I pressed my hands to my stomach, the pain so intense I could barely make a sound.

But I could still feel the baby moving.

Fast. Frantic.

My child was fighting to survive.

I grabbed Cassian's sleeve.

"Save him.

"Cassian, save the baby."

Those were the only words I remember saying.

The doctors worked through the night.

When I woke, my abdomen was wrapped in thick bandages.

The rounded swell of my belly was gone.

I laid my hand there and felt around for a long time.

Nothing.

The doctor stood by the bed.

"I'm sorry.

"We couldn't save the child."

I didn't cry out loud.

But the tears wouldn't stop falling.

I had been eight months pregnant.

I had already picked out a name.

His nursery was ready.

The wardrobe was lined with tiny clothes.

Some of them I had chosen myself.

But he never even got the chance to be born.

Cassian came to the hospital that day.

I lay in bed, watching him.

I had long since given up hoping he would comfort me.

I only thought that it was his child too.

Surely he would feel at least a little grief.

But Cassian stood by the bed, and for a long time, he didn't come any closer.

His gaze fell on the bandages around my abdomen.

His expression was cold.

"No one asked you to take that bullet for me."

I froze.

Cassian went on.

"You always do this.

"Act on your own and then expect everyone to be grateful."

The tears stopped, clinging to my cheeks.

"I didn't..."

My voice was so hoarse it was barely a whisper.

"I just saw you were in danger."

He was quiet for a moment.

His gaze never wavered.

"Elena, tell the same lie often enough and no one will believe you anymore."

I understood.

He thought I was putting on an act for him, that I had risked my own body and my child's life just to make him feel guilty.

After that day, Cassian never came again.

My body never recovered.

On the day I died, it was raining outside.

The window wasn't shut all the way.

The wind blew in, damp and cold.

The maid knelt by the bed, wiping her tears in secret.

The doctor told me to rest and not force myself to sit up.

But I kept watching the door.

It stayed closed.

I waited for a long time.

I couldn't even say what I was still waiting for.

Maybe I just wanted to see Cassian one last time before I died.

To tell him that I had never lied to him.

Years ago, I was the one who drew the hunters away and saved his life.

Sophia had been at his side, yes, but only after they were already safe.

The one who lied was Sophia, not me.

I never expected anything in return for what I did.

I just loved him too much to let him get hurt.

But explaining had never made a difference.

Cassian had never loved me, and he was never going to believe me.

By the time my consciousness finally faded, the door still hadn't opened.

I closed my eyes.

The last thing I felt was the hollow ache where my child had been.

In the darkness, I kept sinking, looking back on my brief and pitiful life.

I had spent my whole life trying to prove that my love was real, and this was where it had led me.

If only... I could do it all over again.

I would never beg Cassian to believe me.

And I would never love him again.

...

When I opened my eyes again, it took me a long time to understand what had happened.

My shoulder hurt.

But it wasn't the heavy, blurring pain I had known on the verge of death.

This was sharper. Clearer.

I slowly raised my hand.

My fingers looked young, the skin smooth.

There was none of the sickly pallor left by months of illness.

I reached for my abdomen almost at once.

Flat.

Soft.

No wound.

No scar from the three months of recurring infection.

I shot upright.

Pain tore through my shoulder.

"Elena!"

Someone cried out.

I looked up.

The hospital room was full of people.

My father, Frederick Ashford.

Several family elders.

And Sophia.

She stood by the bed, her eyes red from crying.

Cassian was right beside her.

He still looked young.

His face didn't carry the permanent coldness it would have after our marriage.

But when he looked at me, there was a slight furrow in his brow.

I stared at him.

My mind was completely blank.

Then I finally remembered where I was.

第2章

Elena's POV

This was five years before my death.

Cassian and I had only recently been engaged.

During a banquet, hunters attacked.

I saw them closing in on Cassian in the back garden, so I deliberately made noise to draw them in the other direction.

The bullet in my shoulder was from that night.

I held on until I was sure Cassian was safe before I collapsed.

By the time members of the Ashford family found me, I was already unconscious.

Sophia walked to the bed with red-rimmed eyes and carefully took my hand.

"You're finally awake.

"You have no idea how worried everyone has been."

Her tears fell again as she spoke.

"That night was so dangerous.

"When all those hunters burst in and I saw you running toward the back garden, I was terrified."

She sniffed softly and tucked the blanket around me.

"But Elena, you shouldn't feel bad about it.

"You're only human. Being afraid is perfectly normal.

"It was so chaotic. No one would blame you for trying to find somewhere to hide."

My father listened and frowned slightly, but nodded.

"Elena, what matters is that you're safe.

"You're already hurt. Don't dwell on what happened that night."

Sophia paused, looking slightly embarrassed, then said quietly,

"As for Cassian... I wasn't thinking clearly either.

"I just saw the hunters about to hurt him, so I stayed behind to protect him and helped him hide.

"Thankfully, everyone made it out alive."

She said it as if it were nothing.

As if saving Cassian had been no more than a small thing she had done in passing.

But the people around her visibly softened.

Cassian stood beside her and said in a low voice,

"It wasn't a small thing."

Sophia looked up at him, her eyes reddening again.

"As long as you're all right."

I lay in bed, watching the scene in silence.

In my previous life, this was where it all began.

The moment I heard Sophia say I had run away in fear, I had sat bolt upright in bed.

The wound on my shoulder tore open on the spot, blood seeping through the gauze.

I hadn't cared.

I pointed at Sophia and told everyone, over and over.

"She's lying.

"I didn't run.

"I was the one who drew the hunters to the back garden.

"I was the one who saved Cassian."

Sophia had cried on the spot.

She said she had never meant to compete with me, that she just didn't understand why I would suddenly act this way.

The more I talked, the more frantic I became.

And she only cried harder.

In the end, even my father thought I was jealous of her.

Cassian stood in front of Sophia, and the way he looked at me grew colder by the second.

That argument had been ugly.

And I had spent the rest of my life failing to explain the truth of that day.

Back then, I had believed Cassian would eventually see the truth, so I had never given up.

After all, I loved him so much.

From the very first banquet where I met him, I had always loved him.

Our engagement had been arranged by the families.

I came from a human noble bloodline known for producing powerful half-blood heirs.

The Vale family needed a human bride of noble blood and suitable standing.

He had no particular feelings for me.

But he had always been polite and never refused the engagement.

On the day we were engaged, he put the ring on my finger himself.

"Since the engagement has been settled, I will fulfill my responsibilities."

That single sentence had kept me happy for days.

I told myself we still had time.

It didn't matter that he didn't like me yet.

There would be chances.

That was why, when Sophia stole the credit for saving his life and Cassian proposed to break off our engagement for her sake, I had panicked so badly.

I fought to explain.

I fought to prove the truth.

I believed that once Cassian knew the truth, everything would go back to the way it was.

I learned later.

Once someone decides you are lying, the more you say, the guiltier you look.

In my previous life, I had spent a lifetime explaining.

Cassian never believed me.

After Sophia died, he even blamed her death on me.

Thinking of this, I suddenly felt exhausted.

That weariness followed me from the deathbed of my previous life all the way here.

I no longer had the energy to argue, and I couldn't be bothered to say another word.

Cassian finally spoke.

"Elena."

His tone was still fairly calm.

"Sophia saved my life.

"I can't pretend nothing happened."

He paused, lowering his eyes.

"I want to end our engagement."

My father's expression darkened immediately.

"But Sophia's bloodline doesn't meet the Elder Council's requirements.

"Lord Cassian, since you already agreed to marry my daughter, I would hope you might reconsider."

Cassian frowned.

Before he could speak, I raised my hand.

Every pair of eyes in the room turned to me.

The ring was still on my finger.

I looked down at it for a few seconds.

In my previous life, I had treasured this ring for years.

Even as Cassian grew colder and colder after the wedding, I had never taken it off.

I always felt that as long as it was still there, there was something left between us.

Looking at it now.

The ring felt like nothing more than a burden.

I slowly slipped it off.

A faint mark lingered at the base of my finger.

Sophia froze.

The hospital room fell silent.

Cassian's brow twitched almost imperceptibly.

I set the ring on the bedside table.

"All right."

Cassian didn't seem to have heard clearly.

"What?"

I looked up at him.

In my previous life, I had spent a lifetime trying to make this man believe me.

Enough.

Once doubt exists, the verdict has already been passed.

In this life, I didn't want to explain anymore.

And I didn't want to keep waiting for a man who would never care about me.

"Cassian."

I said softly.

"I agree to end the engagement."

第3章

Elena's POV

The Elder Council convened three days later.

The wound on my shoulder still hadn't fully healed.

When I walked into the council chamber, my father deliberately slowed his pace.

"If you start feeling unwell, go back first."

I nodded.

"I know."

He glanced at me. There was clearly a lot he wanted to ask.

Since the hospital, he had already asked me several times.

Why I had suddenly agreed to end the engagement.

Why I refused to give even one word of explanation.

My answer was always the same.

"Since Cassian was the one who proposed marrying someone else, I don't want to force anything."

My father clearly wasn't satisfied with this answer.

But the matter had already reached the Elder Council, and there was no way to resolve it privately anymore.

Cassian had arrived before us.

He sat on the other side of the long table.

Sophia wasn't qualified to attend this kind of meeting, so she wasn't there.

When I entered, Cassian looked up at me.

His gaze lingered on my shoulder for a moment.

"How is your wound?"

I sat down.

"Much better."

He nodded.

A perfectly ordinary exchange.

Since our engagement, we had actually spent the better part of a year in each other's company.

We had attended banquets together.

Gone to the theater together.

When our families held dinners, he would sit beside me.

He knew I didn't like overly bitter wine, and he knew I got dizzy from long carriage rides.

I knew he didn't like being disturbed while reading documents, and I knew he hated flowers with strong scents.

Cassian had always been courteous with me.

And considerate.

That was why I had kept hoping.

I always told myself that all we lacked was a chance to let our feelings grow.

The engagement had been set.

We had a long future ahead.

He would come to like me eventually.

Later, I really did marry him.

And I learned that some things don't come to you no matter how long you wait.

An Elder rapped on the table.

The council chamber fell quiet.

"Cassian, you insist on ending the engagement?"

"Yes."

Cassian answered without hesitation.

"Sophia saved my life.

"I can't pretend that didn't happen."

One of the Elders frowned.

"There are many ways to repay her.

"An engagement involves two families. This isn't your decision alone."

Cassian's expression didn't change.

"I understand.

"But my mind is made up."

Another Elder spoke coldly.

"Sophia's bloodline doesn't meet the requirements.

"Her father was of human nobility, yes, but her maternal lineage is too diluted. It's not even certain she could bear viable half-blood children."

He turned his gaze to me.

"Elena was the bride originally chosen.

"Her bloodline has been refined over generations.

"There is no reason to change the terms of this engagement."

In my previous life, I had nearly sighed with relief when I heard those words.

I had been sitting in this same chair.

My shoulder was still aching.

But only one thing was on my mind.

As long as the Elder Council doesn't approve, Cassian will still be my fiancé.

So I had stood up right alongside the objections and argued against the change.

I said Sophia hadn't saved him at all.

I said I was the one who drew the hunters away.

Sophia had gone outside afterward and cried until she could barely stand.

When Cassian found out, the disappointment in his eyes only deepened.

He became certain that I would stoop to slandering my own cousin just to keep the engagement.

This time, I simply listened.

The Elder looked at me.

"Elena Ashford.

"This engagement concerns you as well.

"What are your thoughts?"

Cassian's gaze also settled on me.

I raised my head.

"I agree."

The council chamber went silent for a moment.

My father frowned immediately.

"Elena."

I didn't take it back.

"I agree to end the engagement."

The Elder stared at me.

"Are you certain?"

"I'm certain."

"Cassian is acting on impulse.

"A life debt is significant, but marriage is not a game."

I listened to those words, feeling very little.

The Elder Council said marriage was not a game. But in my previous life, after I had actually walked into that marriage, I learned that a title could never hold a person who didn't want to come close.

I had poured everything I had into being a good wife.

I took care of him, bent to his wishes, cleaned up every mess he left behind, and in the end, sacrificed my body and my child.

All I got in return was his cold indifference.

So in this life, I didn't want to gamble my future on a flimsy piece of paper anymore.

I looked at the Elder.

"Cassian already has someone he cares about.

"And Sophia saved his life.

"Since they both want this, there is no point in continuing the engagement."

The Elder's expression grew more severe.

"Feelings cannot replace bloodline."

"Then I will take on another alliance marriage myself."

My father turned sharply toward me.

I went on.

"The Blackthorne family in the North has long been searching for a bride of pure human noble blood.

"If my bloodline is so important to the vampire nobility, I can marry into their family instead.

"That way, no matter what, there will be a half-blood heir born to the vampire line.

"And Cassian can marry whoever he chooses."

Cassian looked at me, a flash of surprise in his eyes.

My father finally lost his composure.

"Elena, the Blackthorne match can wait.

"Hunter activity is frequent there, and the conditions are far more complicated.

"There is no need to make this decision now."

I turned to him.

"Father.

"I've thought it through."

My father fell silent.

The Elders conferred in low voices.

At this point, they could hardly continue to refuse.

If I had insisted like I did in my previous life, they could have made me Cassian's wife without a second thought.

But now I was stepping aside voluntarily and was even willing to enter an alliance marriage of equal value.

On top of that, everyone believed Sophia had saved Cassian's life.

Forcing Cassian to marry me would only seem unreasonable.

After a long pause, the Chief Elder finally spoke.

"The Blackthorne match will need to be arranged.

"In the meantime, Elena and Cassian's engagement may be formally dissolved."

The room was perfectly still.

No one objected.

I closed my eyes and touched the bare base of my finger, feeling nothing but relief.

第4章

Elena's POV

When the meeting ended, my father went to discuss the Blackthorne match with several of the Elders.

I left the council chamber alone.

As I reached the end of the corridor, I heard footsteps behind me.

"Elena."

I stopped.

Cassian caught up quickly.

"Wait."

I turned around.

"Is there something else?"

He looked at me, as if not quite used to the way I spoke to him now.

Before, I always had so much to say when I saw him.

I'd ask if he had been busy.

I'd ask if his injury was healing.

At banquets, if he stood just a little closer to me, it could make me happy for the rest of the evening.

Now I just stood there waiting for him to speak, expressionless, almost reluctant to let him come near.

Cassian was quiet for a moment.

"The marriage arrangement in the North. You don't have to go."

"Why not?"

"Because there's no need."

I looked at him.

"The Elder Council needs me to complete an alliance marriage.

"You and I are no longer engaged.

"Marrying into the North makes perfect sense."

His frown deepened.

"That's not what I meant."

"Then what did you mean?"

Cassian looked at me and softened his tone.

"What happened that day is in the past.

"You don't need to keep carrying it."

I didn't understand and pressed further. "Which part?"

He hesitated.

"When the hunters attacked. You left me behind."

I went still.

Cassian must have taken the change in my expression as shame, because he continued.

"Being afraid is perfectly normal.

"You're just a human.

"In a situation like that, anyone would want to protect themselves first.

"No one blames you."

He said it earnestly.

There was even a note of consolation in his voice.

"So you don't need to feel guilty because Sophia stayed behind and saved me.

"And there's certainly no reason to punish yourself by marrying into the North out of guilt."

I looked at him.

Several seconds passed, and then I laughed.

Cassian stiffened.

"What's funny?"

"Nothing."

I lowered my head, then after a long moment, looked up again.

"It just struck me as interesting.

"Cassian, is that really the kind of person I am to you?"

He went still.

I looked at him.

"Someone who runs from danger and then feels humiliated because someone else saved you.

"Someone who, out of guilt, decides on a spiteful whim to marry into the North.

"Is that really how little you think of me? Then why did you agree to marry someone like me in the first place?"

Cassian frowned immediately.

"Elena."

His tone dropped.

"I just think there's no reason for you to punish yourself over what happened that day."

I listened to his words, and the trace of a smile on my face slowly faded.

In my previous life, I always believed it was because I hadn't explained clearly enough.

That was why Cassian misunderstood me.

I had exhausted myself looking for evidence.

I tracked down the servants who were there that night.

I reconstructed what happened, over and over.

I even showed him the gunshot wound on my shoulder.

The bullet had entered from the front. If what they said was true, that I had run in fear and been caught from behind, the wound should have been in my back.

But he remained convinced I was just trying to steal Sophia's credit.

As for the wound, who could really know what happened?

In this life, I hadn't said a word.

And he still managed to find a new explanation for me.

It turned out that nothing I did mattered.

Because in Cassian's mind, I had long since been that kind of person.

I craved the status that came with being a vampire nobleman's wife.

I wanted this engagement because it would elevate me into the upper ranks of vampire society.

So every kindness I showed him was to secure the marriage.

And every time I challenged Sophia's account, it was because I was afraid she would take my place.

Now that I had voluntarily ended the engagement, of course it couldn't simply be because I was done.

There had to be another reason.

Shame.

Guilt.

Or just plain stubbornness.

Cassian watched me say nothing and dropped his voice.

"I know you've always liked me."

I looked up.

He continued.

"That's why I think you don't need to send yourself all the way north over this."

That remark kept me quiet for a moment.

He was right about that much.

I had never tried to hide it.

After the engagement, I would find excuses to talk to him.

I would ask him what color gown he preferred for the banquet.

When he mentioned offhand that he liked a certain dessert, I would have the family cook learn to make it.

Cassian knew all of it.

He had never responded.

But he had gotten used to it.

Used to my affection.

Used to the idea that I would always be there, waiting for him to turn around.

I asked,

"So what?"

Cassian blinked.

"What?"

"Just because I like you, does that mean I have to marry you?"

He said nothing.

"You like Sophia, so you want to break off the engagement and marry her.

"I know you don't like me, so I don't want to marry you."

I looked at him.

"Is that really so hard to understand?"

Cassian's expression finally changed.

"You never used to talk like this."

"Back then, I thought there was still a chance for us.

"Now I don't want to wait anymore."

He couldn't find the words.

The corridor was very quiet.

After a while, he asked,

"You're really going to the North?"

"Yes."

Cassian went silent.

I gave him a small nod.

"If there's nothing else, I'll go."

This time, he didn't call me back.

I walked down the corridor.

The wound on my shoulder was still tender.

But my steps felt light.

I was done chasing his judgment and trying to prove, again and again, that I wasn't as contemptible as he believed.

There was no point anymore.

Soon enough, I would be leaving this place behind.

第5章

Elena's POV

Sophia came from a minor branch of the Ashford family. After her father's early death, her household had never been well off.

Since she was close to my age, I had often invited her to stay with us over the years.

Clothes, jewelry, gowns for banquets. If she wanted something, I rarely thought twice about it.

Back then, I only felt sorry for her.

It wasn't until she stood beside Cassian that I learned some people only want more the more they are given.

A few days after the Elder Council approved the change in engagement, my father received an invitation from the Vale family.

They were holding an engagement banquet for Cassian and Sophia.

My father set the invitation on the table after reading it.

"You don't have to go. No one will say anything."

I glanced at the invitation.

A black wax seal stamped with the Vale family crest.

I had received invitations like this many times before.

Back then, I would start picking out my gown days in advance.

I would think about what color Cassian preferred.

I would ask my maid, Nora Bennett, which necklace would look best when I stood next to him.

Now, looking at that crest again, I felt almost nothing.

"It's all right. I'm not going to hide from them."

I picked up the invitation.

"The engagement is over.

"Their banquet has nothing to do with me."

I said it calmly.

He didn't try to talk me out of it again.

On the night of the engagement banquet, I chose a plain navy gown.

When Nora was arranging my hair, she asked cautiously,

"My lady, would you like to wear the ruby necklace Lord Cassian gave you?"

My hands paused.

"No.

"Something else."

She immediately looked down and took a string of pearls from the jewelry box, a keepsake my mother had left behind.

I glanced at the red jewelry case beside the mirror.

Cassian had given me many things over the months.

Sometimes a necklace.

Sometimes a brooch.

A few times, small gifts he happened to bring back from trips.

I used to remember exactly when I received each one.

I even remembered what he said at the time.

Those small scraps of sweetness had sustained me for years.

Now the memories felt distant and faded.

The engagement banquet was held at Cassian's estate.

When the carriage stopped, the hall was already filling with guests.

I followed my father inside.

People greeted me along the way.

There was a hint of scrutiny in the way they looked at me.

After all, just days ago, I had been the bride in this engagement.

Now the one standing at the center of the hall was Sophia.

I didn't stop to explain anything.

I curtsied when expected.

I made small talk when expected.

When someone asked about the North, I gave brief, simple answers.

When I looked up, I happened to see Cassian.

He stood not far away.

Sophia was right beside him.

She wore a pale gown, and around her neck was a diamond necklace I recognized.

It had been a gift from my mother to me.

Sophia once said she liked it, so I gave it to her.

Now she wore that necklace beside Cassian, smiling brightly.

I looked away after a single glance.

My father went to discuss something with a few of the Elders.

I took a glass of fruit wine and sat by the window.

Before long, someone stopped beside me.

"Elena."

I looked up.

Cassian stood before me.

He was dressed in formal black that day.

A gold badge bearing the Vale crest was pinned to his chest.

I set down the glass.

"Lord Cassian."

His expression faltered noticeably.

"You're calling me that now?"

I looked at him.

"Our engagement is over.

"It seems more appropriate."

Cassian was quiet for a moment.

"Do you really have to be this distant?"

His reaction surprised me. I couldn't imagine what he thought there was to regret.

"Isn't that how it should be?"

His brow creased slightly.

I said nothing more.

Sophia was his fiancée now.

If I continued to be as close to Cassian as before, it would only make things difficult for everyone.

I started to stand.

The unhealed wound in my shoulder suddenly twinged.

The glass in my hand wobbled.

Cassian reached out at once and steadied my arm.

"Is your shoulder still hurting?"

I pulled back almost instinctively.

His hand hung in the air.

"Much better."

I said quietly.

"Thank you."

Cassian watched me.

"Didn't the doctor tell you to watch what you eat and drink?"

"It's only fruit wine."

"Fruit wine still has alcohol."

He took a glass of water from a passing attendant and handed it to me.

The gesture was so natural.

After our engagement, he had looked after me in small ways like this a few times.

I got dizzy in carriages, so he would have the windows opened in advance.

At banquets, when I couldn't eat the food prepared for vampires, he would have the kitchen make something else.

I used to read so much into those small kindnesses.

I always believed that a man who took such gentle care of me would, one day, come to love me.

I took the water.

But a different bed flashed through my mind.

By that point, I had been too sick to even swallow water.

The wound in my abdomen flared with pain every night, inflamed and festering endlessly.

The maid stood by the bed with medicine, asking if she should send someone to bring Cassian again.

The previous two attempts had come back empty-handed.

The steward would only say he was busy.

Eventually, I stopped letting them try. I didn't want to invite more of his contempt.

The Cassian in front of me was still watching.

"Why do you look so pale?"

I snapped back.

"I'm fine."

"If your shoulder is bothering you, go home early."

"All right."

I put down the water glass, polite but distant.

"I will."

He seemed about to say something else.

That was when Sophia came over.

She looped her arm through Cassian's, perfectly at ease.

"Elena."

第6章

Elena's POV

I looked at her.

Sophia's face was soft with a gentle smile.

"I've been trying to find you.

"So many people are here tonight. I was worried you wouldn't want to come."

"Of course I came."

I said.

"Congratulations, both of you."

Sophia's eyes curved.

"Thank you, Elena."

She glanced at Cassian, then back at me.

"I've actually been wanting to thank you in person.

"If you hadn't been willing to end the engagement, Cassian and I couldn't have gotten engaged this quickly."

I didn't reply.

She reached over and gently took my hand.

"Elena, I know you used to like Cassian very much.

"So these past few days, I've been feeling so uneasy.

"I never wanted to take anything from you.

"When I saved him that night, I just couldn't bear to see him get hurt.

"I never expected us to fall for each other afterward."

People nearby were already glancing in our direction.

Sophia kept her voice soft.

Just loud enough for those around us to hear.

I looked at her.

In my previous life, she had always been like this.

Every word was gentle.

Every expression looked wounded.

The moment I spoke even a little sharply, her eyes would redden.

And so, even though I was the one who had given her a home, I was the one left looking shameful.

I pulled my hand free from hers.

"You don't need to thank me."

Sophia's smile stiffened for a moment.

I continued.

"Ending the engagement was Cassian's idea.

"I simply agreed.

"You saved his life, and he wants to marry you. That's perfectly reasonable."

The expression on Sophia's face froze for an instant.

Then she recovered.

"Elena, you're really not angry with me?"

"Why would I be angry?"

She was caught off guard and stood there awkwardly, unable to answer.

Cassian glanced at me.

"Sophia is just worried about you."

"I know."

I nodded.

"That's why I'm telling her she doesn't need to worry."

The conversation had run its course. There was nothing left to say.

Sophia knew perfectly well why I didn't want to talk to her.

Sophia and I both knew what had really happened that night. We both knew who had saved Cassian, and who had stolen the credit.

I nodded to them.

"Today is your engagement banquet. I won't keep you."

With that, I turned and left.

As I walked away, I could still feel Cassian's eyes on my back.

Before the engagement, Cassian had rarely paid much attention to Sophia.

She would occasionally appear at banquets alongside me, and he had barely exchanged more than a few words with her.

Everything changed after the hunter attack.

He became convinced Sophia had risked her life to save him, and from then on, he was careful and attentive with her.

Now that I had stepped aside willingly, giving them exactly what they wanted, he seemed almost unsettled by it.

By all accounts, this should have been exactly what he hoped for.

But the look in his eyes as I walked away was something I couldn't quite read.

Halfway through the banquet, the hall grew stuffy, and I went out to the terrace alone.

I leaned against the railing for a while.

Footsteps came from behind me.

I turned around.

Cassian, again.

"Why are you out here?"

He asked.

"It was a bit stifling inside."

"Is your shoulder hurting again?"

"It's fine."

He stepped closer.

"I'll have someone take you home."

"That's not necessary."

Cassian looked at me.

"When you weren't feeling well before, you never used to be this formal with me."

I let out a soft sigh.

"Cassian."

"Hm?"

"You are Sophia's fiancé now."

He fell silent.

"You don't need to worry about me anymore."

Perhaps it was the coldness in my voice, or perhaps the change in me had simply been too sudden.

In this life, Cassian was showing me far more concern than he ever had before.

Even though we had already ended our engagement.

Yet the more he did this, the heavier my chest felt, until I could barely breathe.

In my previous life, I had lost our child trying to save him, and in the end, I died in a hospital bed. He had never once believed me.

Now, when I wanted nothing more to do with him, he decided to be kind.

Then what had all my suffering been for?

Just then, Sophia's voice drifted from inside the hall.

"Cassian?"

I glanced toward the sound.

"She's looking for you."

Cassian didn't turn around.

His gaze was still on me.

After a moment, he suddenly asked,

"The Blackthorne match. Are you really going through with it?"

"Yes."

"You and I have ended the engagement."

He said.

"I know you're upset, but there's no reason to do something rash.

"Why insist on the North?"

I gave a cold laugh before I could stop myself. "What makes you think my going north has anything to do with you?"

The concern on Cassian's face froze.

In truth, I had asked myself the same question.

If I chose to stay, I could marry another vampire noble and still cleanly sever things with Cassian.

The North was cold.

I didn't enjoy long carriage journeys either.

I had only read a few pages about the Blackthorne family.

In my previous life, Sophia had even died there from illness.

I didn't know what would happen to me once I went.

But my life had been stuck in the same place for too long.

If I stayed, surrounded by familiar faces and the petty venom of the nobles of the Central Territories, I would only sink deeper.

In my previous life, the first thing I thought of every morning was how to make Cassian believe me today.

The last thing I thought of before bed was what new evidence I could find about Sophia.

After the wedding, I spent every day tiptoeing around him, trying to please.

When Sophia died, I started trying to prove I hadn't harmed her.

Then the baby came, and I pinned all my hopes on the child.

The baby was gone.

And lying in bed, the last thing on my mind was still why Cassian wouldn't come to see me.

I had spent a lifetime chasing a man who would never look back.

By the end, I had nearly forgotten who I was.

Cassian was still waiting for my answer.

I said softly,

"I don't know if the North is right for me."

He frowned.

"Then why go?"

"I want to see for myself."

"That's it?"

"Yes."

I looked at him.

"I want to know what kind of life I'll have after I leave here."

Cassian said nothing.

Sophia called for him again from inside.

This time, her voice was much closer.

I took a step back.

"Go back inside.

"It's your engagement banquet. The host shouldn't be absent."

Cassian stood where he was.

I turned and walked down from the terrace.

No footsteps followed behind me.

As the carriage pulled away from the estate, I leaned against the window and watched the lights grow smaller in the distance.

Cassian had just asked me whether the North was really where I wanted to go.

I still didn't know the answer.

But I just needed to go somewhere no one knew me and start over.

I wanted to know what I would think about when I woke each morning if there were no Cassian, no Sophia, and no endless need to prove myself.

第7章

Elena's POV

The day I left for the North happened to be the day of Cassian and Sophia's wedding.

When I woke that morning, the sky over the vampire world was as overcast as ever, but the bustle in the streets was unlike any ordinary day.

Carriages streamed past in the distance, the flower shops on both sides of the road had been nearly emptied, and even the maids at home couldn't help whispering that the Vale family had reserved the entire cathedral for the ceremony.

I sat by the window and had the last trunk loaded onto the carriage.

Nora fastened my cloak and asked quietly,

"My lady, would you like to leave a little later?"

I looked at her.

"Why?"

She clearly hadn't expected the question.

"Today..."

She didn't finish.

I knew what she wanted to say.

Today was Cassian's wedding.

But that had nothing to do with me anymore.

"The waystations on the northern road have already been arranged. There's no reason to change plans at the last minute."

Nora lowered her head.

"Yes, my lady."

By the time I came downstairs, my father was already standing by the door.

He hadn't gone to the wedding.

The invitation had arrived days ago, but he had simply sent a gift in his place.

I walked up to him.

"Father."

My father looked at me, then at the carriage behind me.

He had stopped asking about Cassian some time ago.

At first, he still tried to get me to tell him what I really thought.

Eventually, he must have realized I truly wasn't going to turn back.

I hadn't always been like this.

Everyone in the household knew I liked Cassian.

After the engagement, I would spend ages choosing a gown before banquets, just because I wanted him to notice me.

When Cassian said, even once, that a particular dress looked nice, I would be happy for days.

Even when he was cold, I always found excuses for him.

He was too busy.

He wasn't good at expressing himself.

We hadn't known each other long enough.

And feelings could always develop over time.

When my father frowned, I would defend Cassian.

Later, after the incident with Sophia, my anxiety took over, and I started explaining myself in fits of near hysteria.

Even when no one was asking, I couldn't stop bringing up what happened that night.

I was afraid they all thought I was lying.

Afraid Cassian would truly despise me.

My father saw it all but could do nothing.

When I refused to let go, no one could pull me back.

Now, I was finally willing to let it all go.

My father was quiet for a long time. In the end, he said only,

"Leaving might be for the best."

I looked at him.

He reached over and pulled the collar of my cloak a little tighter.

"The North is far, and the road isn't safe.

"Write to me when you arrive.

"If anything happens, don't try to handle it on your own."

I nodded.

"I will."

My father looked at me for a moment longer.

"Be safe."

This time, I managed a smile.

"I know."

He didn't say anything else.

When the carriage began to move, I looked out the window and saw my father still standing in the same spot.

His figure grew smaller and smaller until the gates of the house disappeared from view.

I leaned back in my seat.

My heart felt unexpectedly quiet.

In my previous life, my father could only watch as I trapped myself, little by little, for Cassian's sake.

This time, he wouldn't have to watch me agonize over that man anymore.

When the carriage passed through the main city, bells began to ring in the distance.

One after another.

I listened for a while before I realized what they were. The wedding ceremony must have begun.

Nora sat across from me, sneaking a careful glance.

"My lady..."

I lifted the curtain and looked outside.

People in the streets were walking toward the cathedral.

Some carried flowers.

Children chased after a lavishly decorated carriage.

It was lively.

I watched for a moment, then let the curtain fall.

"How far can we get by tonight?"

Nora blinked.

"What?"

"If we don't stop along the way."

She quickly pulled out the travel itinerary.

"We should make it to Roth Waystation, south of here.

"We can continue north tomorrow."

I nodded.

"Then let's try to get there."

"Yes, my lady."

She let out a quiet breath of relief.

I said nothing more.

The bells were still ringing.

In my previous life, I had heard bells like these at my own wedding to Cassian.

My palms had been slick with sweat that day.

I kept touching my ring, asking Nora if my veil was straight.

I had thought that was the luckiest day of my life.

I was finally marrying the man I loved.

Even if Cassian didn't love me, I told myself it didn't matter.

We still had a long time.

But those five short years of marriage were enough to drain every last drop of hope.

In this life, the bride in the cathedral was Sophia.

Cassian was finally marrying the woman he wanted.

And I didn't feel cheated.

My heart didn't even ache the way I had imagined it would.

Maybe I was simply too exhausted.

Some things had already been grieved too many times in another life.

I didn't want to go through it all again.

The carriage rolled past the city limits.

The bells faded into the distance.

I didn't look back.