Chapter 4

Susanna's POV

Those intense feelings of love and hate for Carson had gradually faded over these months.

Maybe because of the rebirth, those bits and pieces of time spent with him now felt like distant memories.

I had loved Carson. I had also hated Carson.

I hated that he didn't love me but married me anyway. I hated even more that he saved me, leaving me forever carrying the shackles of that debt.

But as the one who was saved, I didn't even have the standing to question him.

Those years of distant marriage were Carson's greatest revenge against me. Yet he still saved me in that car accident.

Carson used his last strength to push me out of the car, choosing to stay in those flames clutching Noelle's photo.

In that moment, all my hatred suddenly dissipated.

Starting over, I let him go and let myself go, only asking that we never cross paths again.

Outside the window, the sky had darkened without me noticing. Distant sounds of passing cars drifted over.

The bedroom had no lights on, the dimness settling in.

Holden didn't press further. He just lowered his head and nuzzled the top of my head with his chin.

This gesture was so characteristic of him-like a large dog comforting a sad human, carrying intense but clumsy soothing intent.

"Hungry? I'll go make something."

I shook my head, wrapping my arms around his neck and nestling deeper into his embrace.

"Hold me a bit longer."

Holden went still, just holding me, his palm patting my back on and off, like soothing a child.

After a while, I suddenly remembered something and looked up.

"Didn't you have an emergency today? How did you get back so fast?"

"Situation changed temporarily. Problem with the evidence chain, had to put it on hold."

Holden explained, his fingers unconsciously curling around a strand of my hair.

"The team told me to come home and rest first, deal with it tomorrow."

He made it sound casual.

But I knew he'd been working around the clock on that case for days, always with faint shadows under his eyes.

"Should you sleep for a bit?"

I looked up and asked.

"Not tired. Holding you is more refreshing than sleep."

Such a straightforward statement. The heat that had just left my face started creeping back.

I lightly tapped his shoulder.

Holden laughed softly, his chest vibrating slightly.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

His clean, soapy scent filled my nose. It made me feel safe

This was good.

Perfect.

The next morning, Holden left earlier than usual.

The case he'd been working on had reached a critical point. The department was pushing hard.

He lingered at the door for a long time, holding my hand, his chin hooked over my shoulder, grumbling about not wanting to go to work.

It took me laughing and nudging him, telling him he'd be late, before he finally let go. He dipped his head quickly, brushed his lips against mine, then turned and headed downstairs.

His footsteps gradually faded in the stairwell.

I closed the door, smiling as I turned to clear the dishes from the table.

Outside the kitchen window, the sky was a pale gray-blue with a few wisps of clouds hanging lazily.

Water rushing, I carefully rinsed the cups, planning to hit the supermarket later to buy some of the pastries Holden loved.

Just as I set the washed cup on the rack, someone knocked at the door.

Three measured knocks.

I dried my hands, thinking it must be Holden, probably forgot his keys or some documents.

Still smiling, I walked over, gripped the door handle, and gently pulled it open.

"What did you forget this time?"

The words cut off abruptly.

Standing outside wasn't Holden.

It was Carson.

He came alone, wearing a finely tailored black cashmere sweater with matching trousers that made his skin look even paler.

His hair wasn't slicked back meticulously like yesterday-it fell softly with a few strands across his forehead.

Standing in this somewhat messy hallway, he seemed out of place with an air of cool refinement.

I didn't speak, hand on the door, making no move to let him in.

Carson's gaze lingered on my face for a moment. Then he turned sideways and slipped through the narrow gap between me and the doorframe.

As naturally as if he were coming home.

He knew this place. Didn't even need to look it up-just showed up.

In my previous life after we married, I insisted on living here, saying this old neighborhood had character and was close to my office.

He had better apartments and locations under his name, but he gave in to me.

The room's layout was mostly the same as in the previous life.

Carson looked around, his gaze finally settling back on me.

Someone's door opened and closed in the hallway, bringing faint sounds of conversation.

But inside, the silence seemed to stretch impossibly.

Only an occasional sparrow passed by the window, making brief chirps.

I looked up at Carson standing in the middle of the living room.

Walked forward a few steps and sat at the dining table.

Setting aside my own pitiful perspective, objectively speaking.

In my previous life, Carson as a husband never shortchanged me materially and respected my basic needs.

I was just too young then, too dependent on him, treating him as my only lifeline, unable to see the truth.

Instead, my tears and arguments only pushed him further away.

Now, stepping outside that circle, only calm remained in my heart.

Meeting his gaze, I smiled, trying to seem as peaceful as usual.

"Is there something you need?"

Carson looked at me, his eyes darkening.

He pressed his lips together, his voice controlled and measured when he spoke.

"You have a boyfriend?"

Such an abrupt question, even crossing boundaries.

We'd gone nearly three or four months without seeing each other face-to-face, and our relationship had faded considerably.

He didn't care about any of that. He actually acted like he had the right to ask.

His gaze drifted back to my face.

"Susanna, even though I'm with Noelle now, you don't have to settle for just anyone."

He paused, as if he were genuinely looking out for me, like I was some reckless child who didn't know any better.

The arrogance in Carson's eyes nearly spilled over.

"You want me to introduce you to someone? I know a few guys with decent prospects."

He waited quietly, watching for my reaction.