Chapter 1

Before my wedding, I was diagnosed with a progressive autobiographical memory disorder.

The neurologist said I'd gradually forget everyone, including myself.

When I got back to the Winslow estate, my parents had moved the entire wedding fund meant for me into the room of their adopted daughter, Marissa.

"Elise, you're the older sister. You need to give way to Marissa. Stop bullying her and making us dread the sight of you."

I lowered my head and agreed, then cried in my room all night.

The next morning, I couldn't remember why my pillow was wet.

That afternoon, I saw my fiance, Graham Ellsworth.

He was wiping tears off Marissa's face and looking at me with disgust.

"Elise, I was only being affectionate with Marissa. Was that enough for you to threaten to end our engagement? You're unbelievably petty."

His words made me cry.

But at dinner the next day, when Graham spoke to me with the same cold contempt, I stared at him in confusion. "Sir, who are you?"

I was forgetting faster.

Then, one evening, Graham offered to take me for a drive outside the city.

He stopped on an isolated county road. "The tire's caught against something. Get out and see whether a rock is blocking it."

I did as he said and stepped out of the car.

Graham drove off and called through the open window, "Since you can't stop tormenting Marissa, stay here and think about it."

The car disappeared.

I stood beside the road with nothing in my head.

I wanted to go home, but I didn't remember where home was, or what my parents were called.

By the time the Winslows panicked and Graham had searched every road beyond Stonewick, they finally understood.

I really had disappeared.

Chapter 1

After being diagnosed with a progressive autobiographical memory disorder, I learned to keep a journal every day.

While I still remembered, I wrote down what I needed to do the next morning.

I opened the notebook with practiced hands and checked yesterday's entries.

[Day Seven of Memory Loss. I'm forgetting more things.]

[One: I have to stop loving Graham Ellsworth.]

[Two: Mom and Dad won't fund my wedding. Report to Orchard Spoon Dessert House at ten and earn my own savings. Address: Juniper Lane, Old Market District.]

Several more lines were faintly visible below, but water had blurred the ink past reading.

They might have been my tears.

I didn't remember why I'd cried the day before.

I didn't dwell on it.

No one but me would have cared.

I didn't dare tell anyone about the diagnosis either.

I was the Winslows' biological daughter, but I wasn't wanted in their house. If I said anything, my parents would only complain that they'd recovered a defective child who embarrassed the family.

I put the notebook away and got ready to leave for work.

As I reached the main living room, I heard laughter inside.

My parents, their adopted daughter Marissa, and...

I stared for several seconds before I remembered that the cold-looking man was my fiance, Graham Ellsworth.

He'd never looked pleased to see me, and now his disgust was unmistakable.

"Get over here and apologize to Marissa.

"Mr. and Mrs. Winslow transferred her bridal trust yesterday, and you paid them back by pouring boiling water over her arm. Elise, how can you be this vicious?"

I looked at Marissa's smooth, uninjured arm and couldn't remember scalding her.

What I did have was a savage burn along the inside of my calf, there when I woke that morning.

I kept staring at her without saying anything.

My mother lost patience and shoved me hard.

"Apologize, you useless girl. Stop pretending to be confused."

I stumbled backward.

My knee cracked against the edge of a marble console, hard enough that the pain went white and I nearly went down.

Graham caught my arm before I fell.

The instant I had my balance back, he let go.

He wiped his hand with a pocket square and reminded me coldly,

"Apologize. Now."

I could see that none of them liked me, but I couldn't remember any of it.

I had no explanation.

So I bent forward obediently and apologized to Marissa.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to spill hot water on you.

"I'll be more careful next time."

Marissa waved one hand, clearly pleased.

"Fine. I'll let it go this time. If it happens again..."

"If it happens again, I'll send you back to the foster farm you grew up on, and you'll never set foot in this house again."

My mother had rushed to finish the threat for her.

Then she waved me off like she was dismissing an employee.

"That's enough. Go, if you've got nothing useful to say. That vacant expression makes me furious."

My eyes stung, but I forced the tears back.

I told myself everything would get better once I married and left the estate.

I'd taken only two steps when Marissa called after me.

"Elise, wait.

"There's one more thing."

Chapter 2

I stopped and turned toward her.

Marissa folded her arms and gave me an order.

"Go to the Ellsworth estate tomorrow and end the engagement.

"Graham gave up on you yesterday. He doesn't want you anymore."

Only then did Graham lower his eyes and look at me, like he was granting a favor.

"Elise, I used to think your problems with Marissa were ordinary sibling jealousy. I never imagined you'd stoop to boiling water and calculated cruelty. Someone like you isn't fit to be my wife."

I blinked at him without understanding.

Most of my memories were already gone.

But that sentence made my chest ache for no reason, and the tears came before I could stop them.

Before the illness, I must have loved Graham very much.

Now I could barely remember anything about him.

Whenever I tried, all I saw was his back turned to me.

I wiped the tears away and nodded.

"All right. I understand."

I opened the notebook and added: [Three: Go to the Ellsworth estate tomorrow and end the engagement.]

I closed it and went to ask Mrs. Pearce, our house manager, for a car to the Old Market District.

My mother stopped me sharply.

"Stop right there. Marissa's shopping for jewelry this afternoon. Find your own way.

"If you take the car in this heat, how's she supposed to go?"

I wanted to argue.

I wanted to ask why my mother couldn't show even a little kindness to her own daughter.

Then I looked back and saw them standing together in perfect harmony.

Marissa leaned between my parents while Graham stood beside them, completing the family portrait.

No words came.

I put on a wide-brimmed sun hat and walked out into the heat alone.

Behind me, I heard my mother mutter,

"Consider it a lesson."

Then Graham's low voice followed.

"She brought it on herself."

The Winslow estate stood outside Stonewick, and the nearest commercial district was more than an hour away on foot.

Even under the hat, heat came up off the pavement. By the time I reached Old Market, my clothes clung to my back and the street tilted under me.

At the dessert house, I changed into a plain apron and started cutting fruit and packing shaved ice in the kitchen.

It was the height of summer and a holiday weekend, so every table was full.

I never stopped moving. My fingers went pale and swollen and almost numb from the ice water.

Near four in the afternoon, the crowd finally thinned.

I pressed a hand to my aching stomach and sat down to eat a few bites of the stale sandwich I'd brought.

Marissa's voice came from above me.

She waved a stack of large bills and gave me a brilliant smile.

"Elise, employees shouldn't hide in corners during a shift.

"Make me five hundred parfaits. The most complicated seven-layer design you've got."

Rita, one of the kitchen supervisors who knew me, stepped forward.

"Miss, she hasn't eaten all day. Take a table out front and we'll put other people on your order."

Marissa rounded on her.

"Nobody asked you. I want her to make them.

"If she doesn't finish, I'll wreck this place and make sure your manager docks every paycheck in the building."

I didn't want anyone else punished because of me.

I set down the untouched sandwich and forced myself upright while the dark crept in at the edges of my vision.

Five hundred parfaits couldn't be finished even if I worked till dawn.

When I looked up, Graham was standing behind Marissa.

His hands stayed in his pockets while he watched her work on me, his face blank.

I had nowhere else to turn, so I asked him for help.

"Graham, could you tell Marissa that five hundred..."

He cut me off.

"Stop performing, Elise. The Winslows aren't so poor they need your wages. You took this job in this heat so strangers would pity you and you could accuse Marissa later.

"What's wrong? Can't keep the act going?"

I couldn't see where the accusation came from.

I was working because I needed money for my own future.

I opened my mouth to explain.

Marissa cut in, impatient.

"Are you making them or not?

"Do you want me to start breaking things?"

I clenched my teeth and worked from late afternoon until nearly midnight.

My stomach cramped the whole time, and I never got a drink.

A few of the others tried to help me on the quiet, but Marissa drove them off.

"Anyone who helps her is fired too."

I kept going until the building was nearly empty.

Graham watched my bloodless face with contempt.

He took every sign of illness as part of the performance.

When he had his assistants carry off all five hundred desserts, he still found time to mock me.

"I underestimated you, Elise.

"You pretend not to remember, and now you perform suffering this well. You'd risk your life for one moment of sympathy."

I was too worn out to answer.

It was after midnight before I dragged myself back to the Winslow estate, my legs barely holding me.

The hunger had turned into nausea, and the dark pulsed at the edges of my sight.

Because of the size of the order, Dee gave me an extra fifty dollars.

Good.

That would buy enough food for three days.

I'd barely stepped through the door.

Then a sharp crack split the air.

A slap caught me across the face and put me flat on the floor.

Chapter 3

My mother stood over me with one hand still raised, fury in her voice.

"Are you trying to destroy us? Marissa told me you're working at some cheap dessert shop under the Winslow name. What happens when people in Stonewick society see you?

"Whose reputation do you think you're wrecking? You did it on purpose, to humiliate your father and me."

I held my cheek and tasted blood.

"Mom, isn't this what you wanted? You wouldn't give me anything for my wedding, so I have to earn it myself."

My father came up behind me and kicked me hard in the shoulder.

"Don't you talk back to your mother.

"You think I can't see what you're doing? You want strangers to pity you so you can pressure us into signing businesses over to you. It's never going to happen.

"Get out of my sight. Go back to your room. I can't stand looking at you."

The kick curled me onto the floor, and I stopped wanting to explain.

I got up, caught the banister for support, and headed for the rear wing.

Then I looked up.

Marissa stood in the shadow of the hallway, studying the swelling across half my face.

She smiled.

Slowly, she shaped two words without making a sound.

"Filthy bitch."

Then she ran into my parents' arms and announced she wanted the caviar flown in from the coast.

They were soothing her before she finished the sentence.

I looked back once and shut my bedroom door.

At the desk, I opened my notebook and crossed out the second entry about Orchard Spoon Dessert House.

I'd need another job.

Tears hit the paper and spread the ink into new stains.

I put down the pen, lay on the bed, and fell into an exhausted sleep.

The pillowcase was wet again when I woke the next morning.

I stared at the ceiling for a while.

I still couldn't remember why I'd cried.

Rapid knocking came at the door, and then Mrs. Pearce's voice.

"Miss Elise, your mother wants you in the front room right away."

When I came downstairs, an unfamiliar man at the breakfast table stared at me without stopping.

I avoided his eyes and concentrated on the oatmeal in front of me.

Then he laughed, cold.

"Did you leave those bruises untreated on purpose so I'd see them? Give it up, Elise.

"The engagement ends today."

I looked up and found no memory of him at all.

All I could do was ask,

"Sir... who are you?"

The man froze, and then his face went dark with rage.

A maid behind me whispered,

"That's Graham Ellsworth, the Ellsworth heir. He's your fiance."

Graham looked like his anger might consume him.

He ignored my unfinished breakfast, dragged me outside, put me in his car, and drove fast toward the Ellsworth estate.

"Still pretending. Do you know how much I hate this act?"

I tried to explain patiently.

"I'm not pretending.

"I'm sick, and I couldn't remember who you were."

Graham laughed, contemptuous.

"Sick?

"A cold, a fever, a broken bone. What are you pretending to have this time?"

I opened my mouth and couldn't answer.

I didn't remember the name of my condition anymore, and I hadn't written it in the notebook.

My hesitation looked like guilt to him.

He refused to keep talking.

At the Ellsworth estate, he pulled me straight into the drawing room.

In front of his mother, he announced that the engagement was over.

Adelaide Ellsworth looked at me like she wanted to step in.

"Elise, if you don't want to end it, perhaps I could..."

I shook my head.

I repeated the sentence I'd written for myself.

"I have to stop loving Graham Ellsworth.

"So let's end it."

Mrs. Ellsworth had nothing else to say, and she nodded, reluctant.

I thought Graham would ease up once the engagement was over. Instead he drove me home in a complete rage.

He didn't want to see me, and I wanted to avoid him.

I hurried upstairs to my room.

The moment I opened the door, I found the place torn apart.

Trunks stood open, blankets were thrown across the floor, books covered the carpet.

My ceramic savings jar had been smashed. Marissa held the small stack of bills from inside it and looked at me in triumph.

"Mom and Dad never give you spending money. Where did this come from?

"You've been stealing from the family, Elise."

Chapter 4

I reached for the money.

"That's mine. I earned it.

"Give it back. I was saving it for my future."

Marissa lifted the bills out of reach.

"You're demanding stolen money? Keep dreaming."

We struggled over it.

Right then, Graham's footsteps sounded outside.

"Elise, we should talk again."

I never got the chance to answer.

Marissa shoved me away and let herself fall backward onto the broken ceramic, and the blood came fast.

She screamed.

"Elise, don't push me!"

I looked from Marissa crying among the shards to Graham coming through the door.

For several seconds I couldn't move.

Graham rushed forward, pressed a hand to the bleeding wound, and lifted her into his arms.

Then he turned and glared at me.

In that instant I saw hatred in his eyes.

My parents came at the noise. They didn't even stop to accuse me before crowding around Graham and Marissa and rushing her out for medical care.

I stayed where I was in the wrecked room.

Before I understood what had happened, my mother slapped me and my father started kicking.

They hit me and shouted while they did it.

"Marissa only came in here to look for something, and you did this to her. Have you got no conscience?

"You stole money and then you tried to kill your sister.

"Get out. Go back to whatever gutter raised you. The Winslows have no daughter this poisonous."

Their voices ran together until I stopped hearing words.

The beating was brutal.

Every part of me hurt, and I couldn't stand up.

As I started to lose awareness, a pair of shoes stopped in front of me.

Graham put out a hand and pulled me upright.

He motioned for my parents to stop and spoke in an almost gentle voice.

"Mr. and Mrs. Winslow, don't get too angry. Elise may not have meant it.

"I'll take her out and talk to her. Maybe we can settle all of this calmly."

I looked at him with gratitude and wanted to thank him for stopping it.

I wanted to tell him I hadn't pushed Marissa.

Then I saw his eyes clearly and got scared.

There was nothing in them but disgust.

He hated me.

As Graham led me out, we passed the sitting room.

Marissa was stretched out on a sofa while a private physician bandaged her like she was made of glass.

She smiled and waved at me.

Then she shaped another silent message.

"Goodbye, filthy bitch."

The sky had gone nearly black, and a storm was building.

Graham drove so fast that I gripped the door handle and never got a chance to explain.

He finally stopped on an abandoned county road with nothing but dark around it. I didn't recognize a thing.

Only then did he speak.

"Elise, something's caught under the tire. Get out and see whether a rock is blocking it."

I did as he said and got out of the car.

Cold drops of rain started hitting my skin.

I'd barely got both feet on the pavement.

Graham leaned toward the open window, contempt all over his face.

"Honestly, I felt a little sorry for you when you ended the engagement.

"Then you went home and went after Marissa while you played helpless. You're cruel beyond belief.

"Since you can't stop tormenting her, stay out here and think about what you've done."

He hit the gas before I could answer.

The tires threw mud behind them, and the car was gone.

Thunder broke overhead at the same moment, and the rain came down hard.

I stood there without moving until I was soaked through.

At last I understood what Marissa's goodbye had meant.

I'd been thrown away.